seasonal

My momma has been giving me advice for many years but her latest tidbit of advice came after years of knowing what I needed to do, but never being told. She verbally said out loud what my brain has been saying to myself for many years. Momma said, "Heather, stop. Get out. Just stop." So, I stopped. I got out. I quit. I ceased. I fell off the face of the earth. I put on the brakes. I jumped the wagon. I...(you get the idea).
All to say, now what? NOW WHAT? This can't be end. After all these years. Done. It doesn't make sense to me. Then I think, "God do I even know? Do I truly recognize your voice? Because Lord, it's been 2 years since you spoke this word. At least I think it was you. I don't even know anymore. 2 years of waiting, of wondering, of seasoning. So, was that you? Was that your word, or did I just make it all up? Lord why here? Really? I have been patient. I'm waiting for a revelation. I'm waiting for wisdom as to why here and not there. I like there. Everybody I love is there. My roots are there." Those are the questions on constant playback, on repeat, on continuous play rolling around my brain.
hum.... seasoning. Seasonings are added to food to increase flavor, to add variety, to stimulate the taste buds, to turn something mundane into extraordinary. So Lord, what is the seasoning? Or seasons. I feel like it's winter and everything is dormant. Not dead, but lifeless for a spell. I'm waiting for spring.
That's all I have folks. Nothing of great wisdom, just some ramblings in my brain.