Dear Daddy-11

April 26, 2021

Dear Daddy, 

Tomorrow is Payton's birthday and get ready she would want a Jelly Donut.  12.  Can you believe she is 12.  Legally she can now sit in the front seat, but weight wise she is still lite.  She is doing better but I think that she is still adjusting to everything.  We are still having a gathering at the house with family for hotdogs, cake and ice cream.  Again, who is going to eat the extra ice cream?  Momma.. yeah right.  I got you on the burnt hot dog weenies! 

I have always loved this picture.  I have it several places, but I now know why I love it.  Yes, it's you and me and the white bear in the rocking chair, but I now know how you felt.  Tired! haha No... I realized that this is often times me and Knox or Neal.  I am sitting in the recliner, with my boy on the left and we are both asleep.  The calm and relaxation in the moment of holding your child as they have relaxed and rested in your arms.  They are at peace and you rest too.  I get the BEST sleep when I call asleep in the recliner, because I know that my kid is okay too. 

So... I just like to think God is like that too.  When his child crawls up in his lap and finally rests.  The rest  and security in God's arms that the child gets and the rest He feels as He holds His child.  I like to think at that moment maybe God rests too.  I know that He is always working, but he too rested on the 7th day. 

Where is the bear?  I have snoopy in the red chair, where is the white bear?  Maybe at Mommas. 

OH. Momma called her cell phone from the house phone and almost answered the cell phone wondering who was calling.  How many jokes do you have for that?  :) 

Be Particular, 

Me. 

Dear Daddy- 10

April 21, 2021

Dear Daddy, 

It's been 4 months.  I still cry. Probably 5 times a week.  But I was told it never gets easier I just get stronger.  Stronger what?  Stronger in how I can do things without you. Stronger with going day by day, or stronger in the Lord. 

I think stronger in Jesus.  So I have been listening to this song called Miracles.  This song is something that I sang, praying for a miracle over you and it didn't happen. So I have started to realize that the miracle that I prayed for is bigger than what I wanted .  I prayed for your healing but I didn't get it.  I prayed for you to stay here with me and that miracle didn't happen either.  I keep praying from miracles and the only hope I have is that I see the bigger miracle in the disappointment of what I didn't get. 

The ones who wrote the song birthed it after a hard time in their life and when asked they said we can either still believe who God says when we didn't experience what we wanted or we can not trust him at all.  They decided to lean in closer to the Lord and truly rest in what His plan is will be better than we can imagine, even in the hardest of disappointments.  I am getting there.  I think I am in a better spot now than I was 2 months ago.  

Getting stronger but still missing you. 

Be Particular, 
Me.

Dear Daddy-9

 April 20, 2021

These were taken two years ago.  They popped up and I couldn't believe you didn't have anything on that said Swepsonville FD.  Not even the hat.. It must have been an off day. 

 Momma says that Kevin is frustrated with a mower.  But you know how it goes, if he'd just slow down and look at the big picture and not just get so narrowed in on one thing... Who am I telling, you already knew that. 

My ditch still isn't finished. Time Warner (SPECTRUM) will not send anyone to fix the cable that isn't buried by the trees but instead by the ditch.  It's just sitting there, unfinished. I really think my ditch would have gotten finished if we didn't hit that cable, but who knows when it will get done now. Honestly, I don't think they need the big excavator for what's left.  It can be managed with a good shovel and root choppers. All to say, there is still water just sitting and not draining.  Oh well.. I don't think the ditch is going to matter anyway, because even with it to grade, the water table is apparently so close to the surface that there will always be some kind of standing bed of mosquitos. 

I'm getting ready for Neal's number 1.  His party has to be some kind of ball theme. The boy loves to throw a ball. What do you think.. football, baseball, soccer, basketball?   I was thinking baseball... easier to make cupcakes :)  Just cake and ice cream this year.  Probably Blue Bell Ice Cream, but maybe one thing of homemade for me.  Honestly momma could make one homemade and it would last all summer because you aren't eating all the leftovers ;)

Be Particular, 

Me.

 

Dear Daddy-8

 April 16, 2021

Dear Daddy, 

MAVERICK CITY MUSIC!! I'm sure in heaven you hear the praise but I love them.  They are the best combination of Kirk Franklin, Israel Houghton, and Elevation Worship.  I keep listening to this song 
"Talking to Jesus"  I just know you would have this one on your phone.  Talking to Jesus Song

I keep thinking about the 'what a friend we have in Jesus' and wonder what it's like for you.  You are with Jesus now.  Oh I just wonder.  I know we miss having you as our friend here.  Especially Tim.  He is really having a hard time if you ask me.  I just know that when Ricky started up the mower outside to mow my yard, I for a second thought it was you, so I am sure that Tim hears the ding of the door opening at the store and forgets that you won't walk through. 

Neal loves the sand box that you made for Knox.  He is your baby.  He will sit in the sandbox and play and play.  He hasn't pooped in his pants yet but I'm sure that is coming ;)  Don't worry I will tell you about it when it happens.  He has Lulabelle right by his side too.  That dog loves baby Neal.  

Knox- He has your figure it out and make your own mentality.  I told him he couldn't have his sippy cup so what does he do, gets the lid and puts it on his regular red cup.  As you can see, he is so proud.  I couldn't take it away.  He didn't take the cup but the lid. 

Until next time.  I still have the ditch story... 

Be Particular, 

Me. 

Dear Daddy-7

April 13, 2021

Dear Daddy, 
Spring break 2021 has come and gone.  It was adventurous to say the least.  We, the running girls, went to Perry's mountain house for a few days, which was a nice break from chasing the little ones.  Adam had baby duty, which I think ended up being more Gaye having baby duty.  Regardless everyone is alive. 

While in the mountains this is the first time I saw you in a dream.  Yep, we were in your shop and you were not wanting me to catch you as you were darting back and forth from behind the gator. Even in my dream, I was so excited to see you.  When I caught you I gave you a hug, which I know you just loved... not.. but I wouldn't let go.  I thought that if in my dream i could just keep holding on the dream would last longer and I could have you longer.  But inevitably,  I woke up.  Not long after Paw Paw died in 2010 I had a dream about him and same thing, I didn't want it to end.  I'm just glad it wasn't a giant Ice Cream cone. 

We did so many egg hunts.  Knox was egg hunt out.  momma volunteered at the one at your church.  When I walked up holding Knox, who was still 1/2 asleep from the drive, he lifted his head and with the biggest smile said, "Paw Paw, there you are."  I cried.  Momma cried.  Mr. Roach didn't really know what to say.  Knox knew that the last time he came to this church, you were with him as we were looking for baby Jesus in the drive thru Nativity.  So when we told him you went to live with Jesus, he thought you went to live at the church.  Needless to say, he spent a lot of his time looking for you at the egg hunt.  He misses you a lot, but we still talk about you as though you are still with us. 

Tire change- You would have been proud of me for being the one that knew how to change a tire.  It wasn't my car but another teacher's car.  The jack wasn't big enough and I remember you sometimes having to use a block, so that's what we did.  We found a block and jacked it up!  I just knew if I could have called you after the fact you would have been proud.  So a great big thank you to you and the flat tires I got in high school ;) 

There is more that happened in the past week, mainly with my ditch, but that isn't finished, so I'll tell you about that in another letter. 

The boys are good. Neal is wanting to walk.  He isn't very good, but he is getting around holding onto things.  He loves to throw a ball too.  Payton is doing better.  She seems more settled.  Knox, he is trying his limits, but still is just as smart and funny as always.  Me, well, I'm making it.  Yesterday I had a moment looking at the gate you built last year for my porch.  I am so thankful because it is doing what you intended it to do, keep Neal from falling down the steps, I just wish you sit there with me too.  So, sometimes I'm not okay, but that's not all the time, just moments. 

Be Particular, 

Me.