Dear Daddy-4,

March 16, 2021

Dear Daddy, 

I was reading Neal one of the animal books and I sure wish I could make all your animal sounds.  It was so weird because I could hear you do every single one in my head, but I couldn't make that noise come out of my mouth. I could hear the pig, cow, sheep, all of them!  It made my heart smile and my eyes cry.  

It's been a year since they closed down the country.  I wish you were still here to see it.  If I would have known that this visus was going to take you, I would have made sure to see you more.  But to be truthful maybe I did? ? Maybe just maybe I did see you more than a normal school year.  Sometimes I think, what if we were more restricted?  What if?  I still don't know if you would have lived past January the 9th and then what?  Months of isolation of not seeing you and making memories with the boys?  I think that would have haunted me more.  Be thankful what what you've been given not mourn for what you think you've lost.  I mourn potential memories but ultimately I feel upon our first breath our last one is waiting leaving us unknowing to when that may be. 

Neal is starting to try to walk.  He is standing and trying to go from one thing to another.  

Julie is working on my cabinets.  I KNOW. Good for you.  I knew I wouldn't have been able to get you to do it after all the cabinets you did for momma! 

Also, fertilizer stakes?  How close do I put them to the Pecan Trees you planted for the boys?  I'm glad we did that.  I have to keep them alive and strong. 

Until next time. 

Be Particular, 

Me