Dear Daddy-6

 Dear Daddy, 

Momma is bound and determined that she is going to mow the yard.  I understand. I would rather mow than clean the restrooms, but man you would have gotten a kick with her and the weedeater.  I can hear you now.. "look at granny.. " She had on the floppy hat, old white,now green, shoes and the clear eye protection.  Go Granny go.  Do you remember when she first got the "Hus-a-vanna" :), you sent me a video.  In the video you said, "Snails pace. " I'm pretty sure she has sped up but bless her.  I told her Kevin should weed eat.  Just let him weed eat and do the bank, but no.  She is going to do it.  (Kevin did do the bank tough... even she realized it was to steep). 

She wants to keep the yard looking nice, she wants you to be proud.  I get it, but goodness, don't kill yourself with the weed eater.  It's not worth it.  

Lets see... my yard.  Daddy. Dadddddyyyy.. Adam is supposed to be fixing my ditch. You know the one that DOESN'T DRAIN!!! That ditch.   I was encouraged on Thursday when momma said that a friend of his showed up at the house with a mini excavator, but... my ditch still doesn't drain.  Instead there is a trench with a corrugated pipe running along the right side, with some gravel on top.  It isn't even the same height as the drive already there.  Oh it's not what I wanted, but I'm hoping it is a work in progress.  On top of that, we have had heavy down pours the past 3 nights, so no more work has been done.  It's a mess.  Hopefully the finished product will be good but right now, I know you'd be over there, mud or no mud, finishing the job.  Instead I have a mini excavator in the drive, with a half done trench and a ditch that still doesn't drain. 

On a sweet note, Knox said he is going to be a firefighter and ride on that fire truck with Paw Paw.  I know, makes me cry every time he says it.  So, I will make sure that when the day comes, he has your helmet, so you're riding with him.  

Well, that's all for now.  Except that Neal is wanting to walk. YIKES!!! 

Be particular, 

Me. 

Dear Daddy-5

 March 22, 2021

Dear Daddy, 

It's been 3 months since I have seen you.  Since I sat on the concrete outside of your building, both wearing masks, bing 6 feet apart.  You were sitting in the sun because you were doing better.  Remember, the fever was down, you had some energy, you were making faces at Neal?  I remember it.  That was the last day I had with you, but I saw you today.  

Mebane had a big fire call this morning.  The trucks came rolling by my classroom window around 9am.  They took their main engine, their ladder truck and a brush truck.  They were going somewhere in a hurry that's for sure.  It made me cry.  Just seeing it go by.  Hearing the sirens.  Knowing that if it was Sweps, it would have been you. 

It reminded me of all the times the pager would go off and you'd start running.  Running across the yard to get to the station.  Or ow you would strategically back your truck in so you could get there even faster, or just beat Kevin up the road.  The years of watching those light blink on the truck or listening to the pager figuring out where you were going, I can hear it and see it. 

Knox still loves fire trucks.  The boys at the department have been great!  They still let him sit in the trucks, blow the horns and turns on the lights.  I think he gets special treatment because of you.  I hope he wants to be a firefighter, he pretends to put out fires all the time.  He is so much fun!  

Until the next time a caravan of fire trucks roll by my window, with sirens blasting and horns blowing allowing for another memory of you to fill my mind...  

Be Particular, 

Me

Dear Daddy-4,

March 16, 2021

Dear Daddy, 

I was reading Neal one of the animal books and I sure wish I could make all your animal sounds.  It was so weird because I could hear you do every single one in my head, but I couldn't make that noise come out of my mouth. I could hear the pig, cow, sheep, all of them!  It made my heart smile and my eyes cry.  

It's been a year since they closed down the country.  I wish you were still here to see it.  If I would have known that this visus was going to take you, I would have made sure to see you more.  But to be truthful maybe I did? ? Maybe just maybe I did see you more than a normal school year.  Sometimes I think, what if we were more restricted?  What if?  I still don't know if you would have lived past January the 9th and then what?  Months of isolation of not seeing you and making memories with the boys?  I think that would have haunted me more.  Be thankful what what you've been given not mourn for what you think you've lost.  I mourn potential memories but ultimately I feel upon our first breath our last one is waiting leaving us unknowing to when that may be. 

Neal is starting to try to walk.  He is standing and trying to go from one thing to another.  

Julie is working on my cabinets.  I KNOW. Good for you.  I knew I wouldn't have been able to get you to do it after all the cabinets you did for momma! 

Also, fertilizer stakes?  How close do I put them to the Pecan Trees you planted for the boys?  I'm glad we did that.  I have to keep them alive and strong. 

Until next time. 

Be Particular, 

Me

Dear Daddy-3

 Dear Daddy, 

I would have had him call you and tell you on the phone about his poop. He looked at me so surprised.  Granted this has happened before, but I think where he is older, it's more of a shock.  

Knox- Momma, come look.  My poopoo is blue.  Come look at it momma.  It's blue. 

Me- Yes Knox, you had the cupcake yesterday to make it blue. 

Knox- Momma, My like my blue poop. 

You would have just died.  He likes his blue poop.  Bless him!  He is so funny right now.  What else is he saying.. OH.. he wants a Mixed Drink.. A mixed drink. You know he's 3!!!  but what he calls a mixed drink is 1/2 chocolate and 1/2 white milk.  I will sometimes say, "No Knox, not right now.  You do not need one right now. " Knox responds, "yes my do."  YES. MY. DO.  So stinking cute. 

He'd share his mixed drink with you, that's for sure!  :) I know you would say it's not strong enough... with chocolate that is. 

Oh- Payton wants a Jelly Donut.  Just saying. 

Be Particular! 

- Me

Dear Daddy- 2

 Dear Daddy, 

Neal is waving and he waves like you. The silly goofy wave that you used to do.  Yep it's you.  I am waiting for him to start the Spanky wave.  

We are doing good here. Adjusting to not having you with us but making it day by day. Its warming up and I know that soon the church yard will need to be mowed.  I am trying to get Kevin to do it, that way we know your gravesite will look nice! :)   

Momma is still trying to plan everything but hopefully she is seeing that you just have to roll with it.  Bless her and her schedule.  With the 1/2 and 1/2 school and my boys, she is busy. 

I got my Covid shot- the first one.  I felt really bad about 24 hours after the fact.  I had the chills, very tired and my neck hurt.  The neck thing I thought was strange, but today I feel better.  

I miss you! 

Be particular. 

- Me