Dear Daddy- I'm 39

 Dear Daddy, 

I'm ok.  I cried today, just like I did my first day of senior year at OHS, I cried my first day as a staff member at OHS.  It felt like normal.  

But it's my birthday!  I missed the be particular.  I have chocolate cake.  I have a little boy that acts just like you, just funny!  We miss you but wave every time a plane goes over.  We say 'scuse me" and we just keep keeping you with us!  

Be Particular, 

I think of daddy everyday.  He really is a pillar.  Something at holds us all together even in heaven.  

Dear Daddy- 20

 Dear Daddy, 

How is the Chief?  Do you see him yet?  Covid was what did it for him too.  I am in an unfortunate club where people try and talk to me about it.  Yes I know, I lived through my dad dying from Covid, but I don't want to sound like I am super positive or helpful.  Truthfully I am a very negative person when it comes to it.  You had to chance to try and get the vaccine and didn't.   I am almost cold to it.  But I need to be understanding too.  

Then the holy people.  I am still dealing with praying for a miracle that didn't happen.  So, this song has been telling me that maybe the miracle I have prayed for isn't the miracle I need.  I think I have said this before, but it keeps coming up.  So I guess there is still a miracle in the works.  

 Miracle in the Works

I just pray I keep praying for the miracle and know what the miracle is when it happens or maybe I am living the miracle.  

Miss you daily. 

Be particular, 

Me.

Dear Daddy -19

 Dear Daddy, 

Well, they gave you flowers.  Bethlehem put the flowers at Homecoming in honor of you.  They were beautiful and Matt and Kayla bought them.  It made me almost cry to think you meant that much to them that they would send such a sentiment from Montana.   I will say, the church yard was not up to your standard.  I felt that Clint mowed it in a hurry, when you would have mowed it a few times to keep from making a hay field. But other than that the yard did look nice.  

Momma went with Martha (you know that was a trip) to go pick out your stone.  I haven't seen it.  I will see it when I visit.  I haven't came yet.  I'll come when the lantern is out there.  I don't want to be out there in the dark either.... 

Knox will talk about you.  He was looking for you at Bethlehem when we were there for homecoming.  He knows you are with Jesus, and he thinks Jesus is at church but he can't seem to find the right church.  It makes me cry when he asks where you are.  I wish he could understand, but at the same time I am glad he thinks he will find you.  Like, "When I get big, I'm gonna ride on the firetruck with Paw Paw." 

I have to remind myself not the grieve what I think is missed but be thankful for what I have. 

You were in my dreams two nights ago.  You were sitting in the chair at the kitchen table.  Had it turned to see me and we were just talking.  I wish I could remember what the conversations were about, but we were talking.  I remember in my dream telling myself to not wake up.  Just don't wake up.  Now I wish I would have said remember what you are saying :) 

School is back and it's a hot mess.  I feel like a first year teacher again, going home and doing work each night to stay caught up.  

Neal- well, he will look like you.  I hope he keeps trying to do everything Knox does.  There is something to be said for determination, but I also wish he would be a little more laid back like you and go with the flow.  That boy is something else. 

Until next time. 

Be Particular, 

Me. 

PS. They are calling each other, but sometimes Knox calls you... 

Dear Daddy- 18

 Dear Daddy, 

I missed your birthday.  Actually, I didn't.  I thought about you the entire day because everyone kept reminding me.  So many people saying, well it must be hard he's not here, thinking of you... How are you doing? blah, blah, blah.  I really wanted to say, "why today?  Why would you think today is any different than any other day. I miss him everyday.  EVERY SINGLE DAY! " 

Well... WELL!  Today was different. It was busy but today I hated not having you for my birthday.  You've always been at every birthday, every single one.  Since the time I came out and you followed me out of the room and leaving momma, you have been there.  So today, today was the hard day.  Today was the day I wanted more than ever to hear that, "Well happy birthday Heather" but today I didn't hear it and it SUCKS!!  Just plain SUCKS.  I made sure to spend time with momma today because I just don't know if next year she will be here, so I wanted to know that I did all I could to not miss time this year.We did celebrate and I put on a good smile, but I missed you.... 

So all to say, Happy Birthday to me.  Happy, Happy Birthday. I am glad to have made it to 36 but hate you couldn't make it past 63. 

Be Particular, 
Me.

Dear Daddy- 17

 Dear Daddy, 

I hated fathers day last week.  I know that Adam is a daddy but he isn't you and he ain't my daddy. So what do I do, I celebrate that my boys have a daddy and pray that he will be 3/4 of you. Knox told momma that you were missing from the supper last Sunday.  I think it took her by surprise.  Knox is just something.  I think I need to beat his tail all the time but then I don't know how much of that is normal three year old mess. 

School is out for summer and I am starting my summer veggie picking. I wish I could go back to Costa Rica.  It was always a good place for me to center myself but I think that will have to wait a while.  I cried a lot this week  Church today... I cried.  

I have to keep reminding myself about that no matter what God is so good!!  I should sing of the goodness of him.  I am sure you know how great Jesus is at this point and I will sing of him.  That is my prayer 

PS.  Knox thinks my favorite song is Momma don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys. 

I hope he understands that I really say, "momm don't your your babies grow up to plowboys :)"

Plowboys are good but they don't tend to come home much like cowboys... you know that I know, because you know too.

Be Particular, 

Me.

Dear Daddy-16

 June 3, 2021

Dear Daddy, 

I bought Catalina tangy bacon salad dressing the other day.  It was MVP but I saw it sitting next to the missing row of Zesty Italian and said, why not?  For the sake of that being Daddy's favorite.. lets try.  It's good.  I should have tried it years ago when you first started drowning your salads in it.  

Momma keeps asking me what we should put on your monument.  Well, what do you think?  I say

Larry Alan Lasley

July 27, 1957- January 9, 2021

Son, Husband, Father, PawPaw

"You turn mourning to dancing, You turn graves into garden. Lord, there's nothing better than You. "

We might need a big rock.  You know, one for Clint to mow around. 

Knox caught a fish off a boat at Smith Mountain Lake this weekend.  It was so excited. Granted it was probably the size of his arm, but he was proud. 

The lake was cold.  Neal wanted nothing to do with it.  He just wanted to make sure he has his snacks and he was good.  Remember the first year we went, they put us in the smelly basement- well, round two.  We were back in the basement again.  But this basement was awesome.  The bottom was a copy of the top, full kitchen, two full baths, a play room and 3 bedrooms. It was great to be in the basement this year. 

I'm still driving your truck.  How many times did you poot in the seat?  I know you are laughing because even though you are gone, the smell is still hanging around.  I'm like, why does it still smell like a poot, because you know how to make your presence in a room, that you aren't in. ;)

Payton has graduated 5th grade!  Thank goodness.  On to middle school for her.  Knox is in the 3 year old room, so he's moved up and Neal starts part time play school in September.  I know you are glad to be out of that carpool circle.  Whew, it's a lot of kidos to keep up with. 

Be Particular, 

Me. 

Dear Daddy- 15

 May 18, 2021

We won. The Woodlawn Middle School Girls XC team are the champions!  I can't believe it.  I thought we at best would lose by 8. But we won by 1.  The meet was at Southern High so I made sure to beep the horn when I drove by the station on the way to yalls house to pick up the boys.  Anyway, that's not the reason for this letter.  I saw the matts.  You know what I'm talking about... the Matts from teacher assistant class senior year, 1976, back when Southern Alamance were the Confederates.  

So we were walking the course for the students to run and in the back corner near the woods there they were. Two, old high jump matts.  The covers were ripped, the corners were busted and I just smiled.  Were they the ones you and David Holt dragged out from the field house and jumped on from the bleachers, maybe, probably not, but when I saw those busted things I just had to laugh.  

I'm glad you survived that!  If you didn't we wouldn't have Knox or Neal. 

Thanks for making me smile! 

Be Particular, 

Me.